| cogitate, meditate, contemplate, ruminate, think | |||
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Wednesday, January 29, 2003 ( 10:18 AM ) bibleeofilee my friend garth is coming to visit this weekend! how exciting is that? i'll tell you how exciting it is, it's VERY exciting. i'm currently planning some super fun-tabulous (and possibly illegal) adventures we could have. although it will be different without a vehicle. no harassing people sitting near the window at tim hortons with flashing bright lights and horns....that's another story for another day. even though i'm excited about garth being here and i just love him to bits, i had a dream the other night that i kicked the crap out of him. seriously. like, i just kept hitting and hitting and hitting him -- mostly in the face -- and the more i hit him, the better it felt. it was a high like none i've ever had. maybe that means i'm a maniac with serious rage issues, i don't know. but the weirdest part was that he didn't bleed, or bruise or cry. so i guess he wasn't really hurt....? i don't know. i am a believer in the idea that dreams can open up doors to parts of yourself that you aren't consciously aware of, but i really don't get this one. of course, sometimes a dream is just a dream (like that andy and trevor dream i had in high school....only one word for that one -- woah!), but i just can't discount the possibility that our minds are always working on something, even if we aren't aware of it. i read that the people who show up in our dreams represent somthing about ourselves. maybe garth was representing something about myself that i don't like. that's an interesting idea. hmm.... any dream experts out there? anyone just dying to get inside my head? later days # Tuesday, January 28, 2003 ( 1:44 PM ) bibleeofilee back in the sack, as they say. fredericton was ok, but i didn't really do much outside of nbyo stuff. i was going to hang out with allison, but he kinda flaked on me. oh well. we had a good turn out for our concert, which was nice. my parents and sister came. we learned that a company has donated bookbags to all of us for our trip. i'm starting to get really excited for new york. oh yeah, and i found out that the hotel we're staying at (grand hyatt) is about 260$ a night per person in AMERICAN MONEY!! that's like, my soul. i guess they must have champagne toilets or something. ummm....i'm drawing a blank later days # Friday, January 24, 2003 ( 11:18 AM ) bibleeofilee i'm leaving for fredericton in about half an hour. i just have to pack my bag. hopefully, i will be able to have a good time with the nbyo, get some work done AND do some quality visiting. guess which out of those three things will be first to slide.... later days # Wednesday, January 22, 2003 ( 12:55 PM ) bibleeofilee sometimes i think about hurting people who have hurt me, and that makes me happy. then when i think about the bad thoughts i just had, i feel bad for having entertained them for even a minute. i always thought i was a mean and vindictive person. but i talked to my roommates about it the other day, and they told me that they thought the opposite -- they said everybody thinks about hurting people who have hurt them, but the truly vindictive people actually do it. and upon reflection, i've realized that maybe the things i've done to "get back" at people weren't really as nasty as i thought they were. in fact, it's mostly been catty comments, and now that i think about it...the people they were directed at probably didn't even get the message that i was mad! i don't know if i should be proud of the fact that i am an inherently nice person, or try harder to be nasty. later days # Tuesday, January 21, 2003 ( 5:02 PM ) bibleeofilee jodie has fixed my comment thing. so now i have to thing of something thought provoking to say so you'll all comment. i'll think about it for awhile. later days. # Monday, January 20, 2003 ( 10:34 AM ) bibleeofilee jodie sent me a really neat survey where instead of regular questions about your favourite salad dressing and crap, you had to write the name of a song that made you cry or made you think of your first crush and stuff. i thought it was really cool. it reminded me of in high school when my friends and i used to talk about having a soundtrack to our lives. its nice to be able to listen to a song and be taken back to a happy time. i'm think i'm gonna go do that right now. later days # Thursday, January 16, 2003 ( 10:27 AM ) bibleeofilee i've noticed a lot lately that time escapes me. you know how when you're a kid the days go by really slow, and it feels like you're never gonna get where you wanna be? it's like you have an endless expanse of time to just enjoy where you are, only most of us don't appreciate it. it's like when you're nine and you wanna be twelve, then when you're twelve you wanna be fifteen. you know what i mean. anyway, my point. the past three years have gone by super super fast. i have friends that i've made here at university that i really do treasure and want to spend time with, but i put it off, and now it's already january and there are people i have only hung out with once this year. i would feel even worse about it, but they are all going through the same thing. and really, why are we in such a weird state of mind? seriously -- in another three years, i'm probably gonna wish i'd spent more time with my friends when i had them nearby, you know? i know for damn sure that i'm not gonna say "gee, i'm glad i wasted so much time procrastinating in front of the computer and not with my friends." cause that's what i'm doing most of the time when i can't go out cause i've got work to do. just makes ya wanna curse, don't it? later days # Tuesday, January 14, 2003 ( 5:14 PM ) bibleeofilee what is it about some people that just draws you to them? i did a project in grade 11 on pheremones and i guess it could be that. anywho, i was sitting next to this guy the other day and he did this stretch-yawn-groan thing that was really, really hot. and then for the rest of my class, all i could think about was hearing that noise in a different situation. one where i'm causing him to make that noise. it was kinda dirty. actually, a lot dirty. later days # Sunday, January 12, 2003 ( 3:01 PM ) bibleeofilee well there you go. my basement is mostly cleaned up so the smell isn't noticable anymore....on this floor anyway. our landlord cut corners installing the downstairs bathroom and the plumbing backed up and something exploded and then there was shit all over the floor. it was really disgusting. now that i've made you sick...i watched 8 mile and the dangerous lives of alterboys this weekend. both were good (alterboys was the best). i also read about modern japan. and i still have to do some geography so.... later days # Thursday, January 09, 2003 ( 2:00 PM ) bibleeofilee today is the birthday of my best friend in the whole wide world. he is now twenty. the baby is all growed up. here's hoping we're still kicking up our heels together when we're all 65. i think that maybe i'll stop celebrating my birthday after this year. i mean, what other milestone is there after 21? i'll be able to drink everywhere, drive everywhere....however, i won't be able to have sex with teenagers anymore. well, 19 year olds i guess. so is it worth celebrating getting older once you have achieved all of the privileges? ask me when i'm 22. # Tuesday, January 07, 2003 ( 8:50 AM ) bibleeofilee i was a little bitter when i wrote my last post. i still stand by what i said -- you gotta have trust -- but i should have mentioned that i'm a believer in rebuilding relationships. you can get trust back, but you've got to work for it...bigtime. now i have to get to class, just wanted to clear that up a bit. later days # Sunday, January 05, 2003 ( 6:02 AM ) bibleeofilee what is it about me that makes people i care about deliberatly deceive me? do they think that when the truth comes out (and it always does, trust me) i won't be hurt? cause i've got news for you guys -- you suck. think you'll be able to regain my trust. maybe. and that's the worst part of all. when you can't trust your friends to be straight with you, then are those people really your friends? i like to think that if i really cared about my friend, i wouldn't repeatedly lie to them. about anything. cause the harsh reality for me is, if i can't trust you, you might as well disappear, cause you are dead to me, and our friendship is pretty much over. later days # Friday, January 03, 2003 ( 8:31 PM ) bibleeofilee everybody i know who has a blog is from the island. i've met a few of them, but i would say that the only one i really know is jodie. of course, i feel like i know everybody else from the stories -- especially josh and corey -- but when i stop to think about it, they're all basically strangers. blogs appeal to me on a purely voyeuristic basis. i can literally spend hours following links to sites that are maintained by people i've never met (and probably will never meet) just to occupy time. but this is the worst part --- it's gotten to a point where i feel compelled to see what's new in these people's lives. i wonder how that date went. who was at that party. what new things have they learned about themselves. and that makes me think....who reads my thoughts? how many people get overcome by curiosity and click on that link that directs them to my little corner of the internet? then i start thinking geez, maybe i should put something deep and meaningful up here. (see, cause occasionally i do have deep and meaningful thoughts, they just don't happen when i'm sitting in front of my computer). sometimes i think that the internet makes me stupider. (see what i did there? used a fake word to emphasize my point. clever devil). it's just that, when i think heavy stuff, i tend to sit and contemplate, and not run to the computer to type it out. if i could make the comment thing work, i would know that people actually read my thoughts. in case there is anyone out there, this is my resolution for the new year: say something that makes people think. it won't always be deep or anything, but i want to make sure you're all still conscious. ummm...today i went bowling and even with my bumper guards up the eleven year old kid in the next lane beat me. what's up with that? that's all i got. ok, so the thinking stuff will start next post. later days # Thursday, January 02, 2003 ( 7:35 AM ) bibleeofilee another year come and gone. 2003...i'll turn twenty-one this year. but of course, not until after my trip to new york. ah well, some of the funnest (word?) times i have had were silly things i did when i was thirteen (shout out to mike, allison, and lish). i hope that just cause i'm getting old won't mean that the fun stops. # |
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